Feels like home
by LcarbyM
Summary: Carter and Abby weren't counting on a baby when Carter left for Africa. Can they put things aside and stay friends to raise their daughter? Or will their feelings always get in the way? COMPLETED.
1. Fashionably Late

Update:

Carter did leave for africa the second time, but he never came back until after the baby died

Carter and kem aren't together, and he has been back in chicago for 2 years.

Abby was pregnant when Carter left but didnt get the chance to tell him, she sent him letters that he never recieved, and when he did come home the baby was two months old.

It has been 2 years now, Carter and abby are not together but they are best friends again and spend lots of time together with their daughter.

Carter isnt dating anyone, and abby has a boyfriend, Andrew.

Abby's POV

'I cant believe its christmas tomorrow' I said to myself as I hold Kaylee up to place her stocking on the mantle of the fireplace. My little angel. Kaylee Millicent Carter. I never really wanted children, I never thought I could be a mother, but i have never loved someone so much.

"mommy, when is daddy coming?" she whined, her curls bouncing as she ran over to carters present she made. She couldnt wait to give it to him.

"I already told you sweetie, he will be here tonight, do you want to wear your new dress for daddy?" I asked , scooping her up and tickling her. She screamed in excitement and nodded.

Everything was perfect. The turkey was in the oven, and the house was clean and decorated with christmas cheer. Carter had been in Africa for two weeks, and he would be returning tonight. He hasnt spoken to kem since they broke up, but he still returns to Africa every so often for a few weeks to help out. He has also donated much of the carter family money to building a small clinic there, so he likes to go check up on the progress of that.

Things were definitley rocky for us when he returned after his break up with kem. He didnt know i had been pregnant, and that he now had a daughter. I sent him many letters, and even booked a ticket to fly there and tell him, but i wasnt allowed to fly because of the pregnancy. When he got home, and found out, we decided to put the past behind us, for our daughter and we are finally back to they way we were before all of this relationship mess started. Best friends. In the beginning, Carter wanted more, and i cant say that i didnt want us to be together, but he hurt me so bad and I knew that we couldnt go back to that, look what happened the first time. We had someone else to think about now, I didnt want our messed up relationship to hurt out daughter.

In comes Andrew. I met him about four months ago when I clumsily ran into him at the hospital. He is a pediatric oncologist and is constantly traveling, downside of being a respected specialist. He made me feel really comfortable around him, and he loved Kaylee. We have been together for about four months now, and this will be the first time he and carter will meet. Andrew is always out of town on business, and when he is home it seems like Carter is working or in Africa. I really want tonight to go well, they both are important to me, I want them to get along. Both of them have expressed their dislikes for each other, even though they have never even met. Andrew not liking my bond with carter, or the fact that he is Kaylee's father is constantly jealous of John. John not liking the fact that Andrew gets is around Kaylee so much, likes to guilt me about exposing her to another father figure. True Kaylee likes Andrew, they have a lot of fun together, but she is the biggest daddy's girl ever.

"Hey it smells great in here"

I jump as andrew comes up behind me wrapping his arms around me.

"I was wondering when you were planning on waking up," I tease.

"Sorry, was I out that long?"

"ha, only two hours. Its fine though, I just put Kaylee down for a nap and I have been able to get everything ready for tonight," I say moving around the kitchen, grabbing all the good china and setting the table.

" I dont see what the big fuss is, its only a few of our friends. You have never gone this crazy before...

"Well its christmas eve, and I want to show off the new house, noone has been over yet, not even susan,"

"are you sure this wouldnt have anything to do with Carter coming would it?" he asked, a slight annoyed tone in his voice.

"Andrew please dont-"

"Well I'm sorry, It's just i dont know, its driving me nuts...I mean I have never seen you get so excited. and you know how i feel about the guy, it bothers me how close you two are," he says throwing his hands in the air, frustrated.

"We have a daughter together, and we've been best friends for years andrew, im sorry but we have talked about this over and over. Stop making this into something its not." I say looking him dead in the eye, enforcing my words. I understand how jealous he is of carter, and I would be too if things were reversed, but its so tiring fighting about this day after day. Me and carter are nothing more then friends, why cant he except that?

"I know, i dont mean to, but when you spend more time with him then me, and...and when you drop everything and run to him we he calls... when you get all dressed up and plan these fancy dinners just for him...well what do you expect?" He asked, slightly raising his voice with every word, yet sounding defeated.

I am about to answer when I hear Kaylee yelling for me. I put down the plate, give him a look and leave the room to get my daughter. I am so sick of arguing about this, and I dont want us to be fighting tonight with everyone here.

I give Kaylee a bath and put on her new dress. It is a deep red velvet dress that reaches her knees, and white tights with her new black dress shoes. I put her hair into pigtails, and she is all ready to show off. I opted for a ivory silk tanktop with thick sleeves and black lace trim, and black dress pants. I curled my hair a little bit, and applied my make-up, Kaylee doing the same with her new pretend lipstick. Always trying to be like mommy.

As we are walking downstairs the door bell rings and I can hear Andrew talking to Susan and Chuck. I have to admit I am a little nervous about having everyone here. I mean I have thrown parties before but we are still in the process of moving...and I just dont feel settled enough yet to have all of my friends here. After Susan and Chuck arrive, followed by Sam and Luka, and Neela and Gallant, all of the kids go into the family room, and the adults seem to migrate into the living room...to the food. We are all sitting around laughing and chatting away when the door bell rings yet again. I see andrew leave to check on the kids, so I excuse myself and make my way to the door.

I open the door and there stands Carter, even after a whole day and night of traveling, he still looks amazing.

"Hey, fashionably late for once Dr. Carter?" I tease. He smiles the biggest grin and scoops me up into a big hug.

"You look great Ab, I've missed you," he says, making me blush. Its only been two weeks, but ya, I've missed hearing that voice.

"You too Joh-"

"DADDY!" Kaylee screams and comes running to Carter leaping into his waiting arms. This girl absolutely has him wrapped around her finger.

"There's my girl, i've missed you so much...hm...have you gotten taller since ive been gone?" he teases and she just giggles.

"Come on daddy, come look at our tree...I put up all the lights and..." I hear her voice fade as she drags Carter along into the living room.

I carry Carters suitcase into the hallway from the doorstep and place it into the corner. I told him he could stay here tonight since he had been traveling all day, I didnt think he should be drving home late at night when the party is over. I thought Andrew had an anyuresm when I told him.

"Hey" hmm speak of the devil.

"Hey, how are the kids?"

"They're fine, Kaylee was pretty excited there huh?" He states more then asks. I didnt realize he had been standing there. I should have introduced them, i guess kaylee had other plans in mind I laugh to myself.

"Yeah well its been two weeks, she isnt used to him going for more then a few days." I say and make my way into the living room gesturing for him to follow.

"So that was the infamous Carter? he asks, and I nod in response..i really dont want to do this.

"You know Abby I can take Carter home, after the party i mean, im sure he'll want to sleep in his own bed after being gone, and then we can get to know each other," Here we go again. I stop and turn to face him.

"Andrew we already talked about this, im not going to let you drive him home, you both are going to be exhausted and probably drunk. Please lets just enjoy the night, I dont want to talk about this," I say in a whisper so noone can hear us fighting.

"Your right, we wont talk about this now," he says leaning in for a kiss. " Come on I want to dance with my beautiful girlfriend."

I smile and kiss him quickly before pulling him over to dance, "lets show them how its done." I laugh.

The music is playing in the background as we make our way across the dance floor, or better yet my living room. As I stand there dancing with Andrew I notice Carter in the corner talking to Luka, and I cant help but feel uncomfortable when they keep looking over at us. I realize that I have yet to introduce John and Andrew, and I think that I will stay here and avoid it just a little bit longer..

Worth Continuing? Please Review


	2. Meet and Greet

Abbys POV

I am really happy with the turnout tonight. Everyone came and they are having a ball laughing and dancing. I leave andrew to take the turkey out of the over and set out all the food. Its been about an hour since Carter arrived and I have been avoiding him ever since. I feel kind of bad... but with the way Andrew has been fighting with me tonight, I just dont feel like a confrontation. I dont think he can go five minutes without menchaning Carter. Kaylee thankfully has been keeping John quite busy.

"hey, everything looks great," I turn around to slap susans hand away from the stuffing.

"Thank you, and dont touch that!" I snap

"hey, are you ok? You seem a little distracted tonight.."

"yea, sorry, I guess im just a little bit worried about Carter and Andrew thats all."

"Abby, they have to talk eventually...Its a wonder they havent met yet! I mean its been what... four months?"

"Yea I know, i guess I have been lucky," I laugh.

"Abby, I know that they are both important to you, and I know having them get along would be amazing, but you cant expect it, I mean they both are madly in love with you...I dont think they want to share."

"What are you talking about, Carter and I are just frien-"

"Abby, come on," she gives me one of those yea right looks, " everyone knows Carter is still in love with you...and you cant tell me you dont have feelings for him-"

"Susan! no..no I am not still in love with Carter, what happened between us is over, its in the past...Im with Andrew now and Carter is Kaylees father, I am always going to be close with him."

"Alright, Im not going to push...im just saying, you really need to think things through before you and Andrew get serious."

"I have thought about things, I had a whole year of thinking when Carter was gone, and we have talked about this over and over...we have kaylee now, we cant go back to the way things were before...i mean, everything ended so badly, he really hurt me."

"He really love you abby, and kaylee...he would give up anything to be a family with you guys"

"Things are good Susan, he is happy, im happy, we've moved on-"

"Oh open your eyes Abby...look I know you are happy with Andrew, hes a great guy, but dont think I also dont know about those looks between you and Carter...that smile you get whenever you see him...or how about the 10 shades of red you get when he gives you a compliment, which I might add is every 10 seconds."

Im at a loss of words right now. I never realized it was that noticeable. Yes I had noted a few of those times myself before drilling into my head to stop. I know Susan is right about that, but I know Carter doesnt have feelings for me anymore...we are finally back to being friends, we are both happy. I dont see why people feel the need to but in. The Abby and Carter chapter closed a long time ago.

"Look Susan, I know you are trying to help but really lets not talk about this now, Andrew could overhear and get the wrong idea. Ok? Please.."

"Alright, ill drop it from now...but we are talking about this later." She playfully scolds. Great I think to myself, like I dont get enough of this from Andrew.

It is about time for everyone to sit down and eat, and Andrew is nowhere to be found. I really need to introduce him to John before we eat, that would be rude if I didnt. I peek my head into the bedroom and see that he is on the phone, business by the sounds of it.

"great, yea thanks," he says hanging up the phone, "hey, sorry about that...A patient of mine just got approved for a bone marrow transplant...I have to fly out the day after tomorrow to oversee things."

"Andrew! You just got home two days ago, and its the day after christmas. Do you really have to go?" I whine. I know im being a pain, but geez we NEVER see each other it seems.

"I know, im sorry babe but I have to go, look I will be back before new years and we can celebrate together, I promise."

"Susans having a party dont forget, I said we would go."

"I know, I wont forget."

"Okay, well the food is pretty much ready...why dont I introduce you to Carter before we eat, you two still havent met."

"Yea, I really want to meet him."

'Im sure you do' I think to myself. We leave the bedroom and walk downstairs. Carter and Kaylee are on the couch and she is trying to convince him to tell her what he brought her from africa. He always brings something back for her that the locals made, a necklace I think it was last time.

"Kaylee, I need to borrow daddy for a sec," I say grabbing john from the couch. We walk over to the corner of the room where Andrew is.

"John, this is Andrew. Andrew this is John."

"Nice to meet you John, I've heard alot about you," he says glaring Carter down. Talk about trying to intimidate the guy.

"You too, I hear your a doctor?" John asks, the same look on his face. If I didnt know the situation I would think they were long time enemies.

"Pediatric Oncologist, and you used to work in the ER here?"

"Yes, 11 years. Actually, well, I might as well tell you now," he starts as I give him a look " Kerry offered me teniure, If i agree not to travel to Africa so much."

"Oh my god! are you serious?" I yell and hug him. He has been back for two years now and he still hadnt gotten a secure position at the hospital. He is in Africa so much that he just picks up shifts when he is home. Plus, he has always wanted that position. This is great. Then I notice Andrews face.

"So, you will be around much more then I take it?" he asks clearly not pleased.

"Well, yea, if i take it-"

"What do you mean if?" I ask suprised.

"Well I dont know yet, I mean i have every intention to...but I will need to arrange something with the Doctors with Borders, limiting my time in Africa is going to be hard."

"John, I know that you think they need you over there, and they do...but people need you here too." I say looking at Kaylee. "You have always wanted this, and Kaylee is getting older...she notices much more when you're not around."

"I know, trust me im seriously thinking about it Ab-"

"Well dont push him Abby, working in Africa sounds amazing," Andrew says, giving me a look as if I just cheated on him. Geez, I just want the father of my child around.

"Yea Im sure I will take it, I have a week to decide." He says staring at Andrew as if to say sorry buddy, Im not going anywhere. I suddenly feel very uncomfortable.

"Well guys, the foods ready...so why dont we go eat?"

"yea sounds good babe," Andrew says pulling my towards him, marking his teritory.

"Actually Ab, can I talk to you for a sec?" John asks putting his hand on my arm as I start to walk away. I look at Andrew as he looks at John's hand.

"ummm...sure. Why dont you tell everyone to dig in hun, ill be right there." I say and walk into the hall with Carter.

"So whats up?" I ask

"I just wanted to talk to you about this teniue thing. I know I havent been around much for Kaylee, or for you-"

"John its fine-"

"No its not, I really am considering the position...I just want you to know Im taking this seriously. I do want to be here. You know I love Kaylee."

"Of course I do!" I say and pull him into a hug. "No matter what you decide, I will understand John."

"Thank you." he says and places a hand on my cheek. Well definitley uncomfortable now.

"Lets eat, yea?"

We walk into the other room and sit down, Andrew on one side, Carter on the other...this is going to be a long night.

Next Chapter...Christmas Day, Andrew leaves town...leaving Carter and Abby alone, and a tradgedy strikes for Carter.


	3. Not Going Anywhere

Abby's POV

The party went extremely well I must say. I was a little bit worried with Andrew and John both being here, but John stayed pretty busy talking to everyone else so there wasn't any confrontations with Andrew. I head up the stairs to check on Kaylee after seeing the last couple of people out.

I walk into her room to see Carter leaning over her, rubbing the hair out of her eyes.

"Hey, I wondered where you ran off to."

"Just saying goodnight to my princess." he smiles at me and I smile back. She really is our little princess.

"Did you have fun tonight, you seemed to."

"Yea, it was a lot of fun. It was great to see everyone together after getting back."

"So how was it? Africa that is, we haven't gotten a chance to talk yet?"

"Nah, its late I don't want to bore you."

"Fine, i will drill you tomorrow." I tease. He smiles and we stand there in deep stare.

"Well I should head to bed." he says finally, "Are you sure its ok that I stay here?"

"Of course, you are always welcome here Carter."

"What about Andrew?"

"Dont worry about it, its fine."

"ok, well goodnight Abby."

"Goodnight John"

Its about 3:30 and I cant sleep. I cant get over Susans words from earlier. Was she right? Was Carter still in love with me? No, stop it Abby of course not. I decide I wont be sleeping tonight and make my way out of bed and downstairs trying not to wake Andrew.

I make my way down the stairs to see Carter sitting in the kitchen, just hanging up the phone. He looks like someone just ran over his dog.

"Hey who are you talking to at this hour?" I ask startling him.

"Abby, what are you doing up?"

"I should ask you the same."

"Um, my dad called me so I came down here so I wouldnt wake anyone. Unsuccessful I guess."

"No, ive been awake. So why is he calling so late? Everything ok?

"Um, no not really." He looks away tears in his eyes.

"hey, Carter." I take his face in my hands "what happened?"

He looks at me for a second and I think hes about to pass out. He looks really pale and hes shaking.

"Carter your scaring my, whats going on?"

"Um, its gamma. She had a stroke and went into cardiac arrest...they dont think shes going to make it."

"God, Carter im sorry." I say and pull him to me. I cant believe this, and on Christmas.

"I know that she is getting older, but its not expected, she is so healthy and active I didnt expect her to go so soon-"I say rambling

"Hey, dont think like that. Maybe she will pull through, you dont know anything yet." I say trying to calm him down. "why dont we go to the hospital? Is she at County?"

"Yea, I guess Kerry treated her and she called my dad. She tried to call me but my phone was off."

"Ok Im gonna go wake Andrew and tell him we are leaving. Why dont you get you go wait in the car, the keys are over there on the counter, ok?" I start to walk away and he grabs my hand.

"Thanks Abby, I dont mean to do this to you, especially tonight."

"hey, not even. I understand...ill be right there."

"ok." he says and I walk upstairs.

"Andrew..Andrew wake up."

"What? What time is it?"

"Its early, Carters grandma had a stroke... Im going to drive him to the hospital. Ill be home before Kaylee wakes up ok?"

"Why do you have to go, dont you think Carter wants to be alone?"

"Of course not. He doesnt have anyone else and, no uh im not going to fight with you. His grandma is hurt and he needs to get to the hospital. I will be home later." I dont let him say another word before I walk out. He is going to sit there and be jealous when Carter's grandmother is dying? Real nice Andrew.

We arrive at the hospital and I talk to Kerry while Carter goes into see his grandmother. Apparently his father was here for a period of 30 minutes filling out papers and making calls before she went back home. Unbelievable.

I walk into the room and see carter sitting next to his grandmother.

"Hey, how are you doing?"

"Im alright, thank you so much for coming with my abby."

"Of course." We sit in silence for a moment before I pull up a chair next to Carter and grab his hand. He looks at me and smiles.

"Im scared ab. I never had a good relationship with my parents, gamma has been the one there for me through everything. Its just hard."

"I know. Look Carter, I know this is hard but your not alone. Ill be here all the way, ok?"

"I really need something to hang onto right now." he says with a laugh and i know he is referring to my little breakdown over Eric. At the same time, I know he means it.

"Im not going anywhere."


	4. All I have

So i changed something...to make things a little more dramatic . It wasnt gamma who died at the end of season 9 it was barbara, carters sister. I wanted Gamma involved.

Carters POV

Its Christmas Day, 11:41pm, and Im sitting in the hospital. I cant believe this happened. I really didnt expect her to go anytime soon, I mean she is very healthy... a stroke? I didnt expect this.

Abby has been great. We went home to have christmas with Kaylee, we didnt tell her what happened, it being Christmas and all. Later on we told her we were going out and we would be back later on. She is staying with Susan right now.

"Hey, I got you some food." Abby says walking into the room.

"Thanks, Im not that hungry."

"Carter." She says putting her hand on my cheek and pulling me to look at her. "You need to eat something."

"I know, I will later...ok?"

"Alright, any change?"

"No, they dont think she will make it past tomorrow." Gamma has been into a comma since they shocked her. It isnt looking good at all.

She takes my hand and pulls it into her lap. I know that she doesnt have to be here, so i am greatful that she is. Abby is my best friend, and her and Kaylee are my life. I have been denying for so long that I was still in love with her, but I am. No one will ever come close to Abby. It has been very hard for me lately to be around her, and at the same time I cant get enough. Right now I almost want to push her away, like I did when my sister died. But I cant help be selfish, I really need her right now.

"Carter why dont we go home. There hasnt been any change, and you need to sleep. We both do. We have been up almost 24 straight hours."

"I think I should stay-"

"Come on John, someone will call if anything happens. You are draining yourself." I look at her and nod. I havent eaten all day, and we have been running back and forth. I have barely seen Kaylee all day and I feel terrible. I look at gamma and kiss her hand.

Abby grabs my hand and we head home, Im staying at her place tonight because all of my stuff is there, and its pretty late anyways. Andrew would probably be about ready to punch me, I have taken abby away from him all day and now im staying there again, but he left an hour ago on the red eye for boston.

The next morning we told Kaylee what had happened. Her and Gamma had spent alot of time together so she was pretty upset. We all went to the hospital and stayed there most of the day. Abby left to bring Kaylee home, and maggie flew in to help out with Kaylee so Abby could stay at the hospital with me.

It has been three days now and gamma was getting worse. She went into cardiac arrest earlier and we rushed in. Anyone would have thought we were married at the way we were acting. Abby had been there for me since the second I found out and she is still here. We sit next to gamma, praying for a miracle. Abby has fallen asleep against my shoulder and i am stroking her hair lightly. I really miss being with her. I want to be a family, the three of us so bad, but i know that this is what Abby wants. To be friends. She has Andrew now too, and she seems really happy. I dont want to mess up everything now that we are so close.

"Hey." I say looking down at her as she starts to wake.

"hi. how long have I been out?"

"not long, you needed it."

"Any change?"

"no. you want to head home? You need to eat and get some rest."

"Im fine...how are you feeling?"

"im alright." I say and take her hand.

"Carter we are going to get through this. No matter what happens, you have someone here for you."

"I know, thank you." I say and raise my hand to her cheek. All i want to do is kiss her right now. She is so beautiful, but i know I cant and I know I shouldnt feel this way. I cant help it. Everything right now sucks to me, and all I want is for her to take it all away. "Lets go home."

We arrive back at Abby's and I almost feel like I should go home. Its only 9pm and I could get Alger to pick me up, but I dont want to leave. I really dont want to be at the mansion all alone. I walk into my room, connecting to the bathroom where Abby is taking a shower. I talk with her about new years plans as I sit on the bed, yelling a little so she can hear me. The next thing I know im being awaken by abby pulling the blankets over me.

"sorry, i must have konked out."

"Its fine, go back to sleep." she says and starts towards the door.

"Abby."

"yea?"

"Stay. I know its alot to ask, but i just.." I realize im pushing it alot. I cant believe i just asked that. I really need her tonight though.

She walks over to the bed and climbs in. I guess thats a yes. I turn to face her and she strokes my cheek.

"Goodnight Carter."

"Goodnight Abby."

The next morning I wake up to a door slam. I walk downstairs to find Abby sitting on the couch crying. I walk over and take her in my arms. She jumps a bit, but settles when she sees its me.

"hey whats wrong?"

"That was Andrew, he came home early to suprise me but he found us in bed together and got the wrong idea. We just had a screaming match."

"O god abby, im sorry I shouldnt have asked you to stay with me last night-"

"No carter, its not your fault. He wouldnt even let me explain i mean its not like we didnt have clothes on. I dont know, he just gets really jealous. I shouldnt have agreed anyways."

Ouch. Well John, she has a boyfriend. I just am getting used to that though. Abby and I have always been a little more touchy then most "friends" but I mean with all we have been through who wouldnt. I guess now, there are going to have to be boundries.

"Well ill go back to the mansion tonight abby, im sorry about all of this."

"No carter, I dont want you going back there with all of this going on."

"Ill be fine, I think it would be-"

_RIng Ring _Im interupted by my cell ringing. I pick up the phone and my heart sinks. Its luka...Gamma died. I look at Abby and she knows right away. She grabs me and I bury my face into her as we sit on the couch. We stay there for awhile in silence just crying...the both of us.

"I have to go...I have to make calls...plan the funeral." Im like a machine right now, in complete robot mode.

"Carter...dont do this. Sit down for a little bit, I can call everyone."

"Im fine, I need to do something I cant sit here."

"Then ill help, but I dont want you to overwhelm youself ok?"

"I know, I just I cant just sit here right now, I mean , I ..I " I start to pace as my voice chokes. I feel so lost.

"John, come here." Abby hugs my tightly and kisses my forehead. I hear Kaylee crying for Abby and my heart sinks further. How am I going to tell her.

"Ill tell her. " she is amazing. She always knows what Im thinking. She walks away to get Kaylee, reaching the first stair before I reach her.

"Abby-" she turns to me waiting for an answer, but i pause. I know what I was going to say, i was going to say I love you. I also know how inappropriate that would be, even if she only took it as the way you care for a friend. Ever since gamma got sick I have been very insistent that Abby and Kaylee stay close to me. I am so afraid something is going to happen to them, they are all I have, I cant loose them too. I know it is strange, but I think Abby understands.

"um..I'll come with you, we should tell her together."

"Alright."

Alright, any thoughts? I kind of got lazy towards the end I didnt really know how to drag it out since there was so much I wanted for the next chapter that just wouldnt fit here. More updates soon.

NEXT: Gammas funeral, Eleanor lashes out at Abby, and Andrew has a surprise.


	5. Connection

Abby's POV

Its the day before new years eve and I am off to a funeral. How depressing. I feel so bad for Carter, he is really taking this hard. I have tried to be there for him anyway that I can, which I know Andrew is not liking it. We had a huge screaming match bright and early yesterday and he isnt very happy with me right now. He just doesnt understand and I cant expect him to. He wasnt around the past 6 years, he knows nothing about my relationship with Carter except for how it ended, and Kaylee of course.

I walk downstairs, dressed in my black outfit and I cant help feel down. Millicent was an amazing woman. I think out of all the Carter family she is the only one that really liked me, besides Carter's father. And Kaylee, she spent lots of time with her. She loved having a great grandchild. I see Carter sitting on the couch with Kaylee watching Aladdin for the eighth time this week, he has been staying here since we heard the news. I dont know if it was really appropriate but I wasnt going to let him stay in his grandmothers huge mansion all alone. He has been living at the mansion since he returned from Africa, he never needed to get an apartment.

"We should probably go." I nudge a little not wanting to push. He has been stalling a bit.

We get into the limo, the two of us, we agreed Kaylee was to young to come. The ride was pretty silent, I held Carters hand tight the whole way and he stared out the window. When we got there, i have to say my mouth dropped. There were hundreds of people there all coming over to greet John. He looked like he wanted to run and never look back but he grabbed my hand and talked with everyone of them.

The ceremony was about to begin so I went in search for Carter. I had been with him all afternoon, but when I returned from talking with his dad he was gone.

"Excuse me, Abby, have you seen John we need to start." Aw Carters mother, we don't really get along. She always expected Carter to be with some blond heiress I think, so when we told her about Kaylee, well, she almost kroked right there. She is good to Kaylee though, so I try to keep things pleasant

"Um, no I haven't, I was going to look for him right now."

"I know that millicent's death was very hard for John, they were very close. Is he doing alright?"

"Have you tried to talk to him?" I say coming off more rude then I planned. Maybe if she had tried to talk to her own son after such a loss she would know. She hasn't tried to contact him once.

"You know John, he likes to shut himself out and act like hes fine. Especially around me." she replies.

"Yea, I know. He isnt doing that well...its going to take sometime, it was a shock."

"Yes it was. Now, I noticed that you two came together... has he been staying with you. We havent seen him here at the mansion." Yep I was waiting for this. She doesnt approve of how close I am with Carter, she thinks that I lead him on which she has made quite clear to me in the past.

"Yes he has, he gets to spend time with Kaylee, and I didnt think staying here alone was the best thing for him."

"Well, what makes you think you know what's best? Are you dating again?"

"Mrs. Carter, I really dont want to get into this with you again, especially right now, I need to go find John."

"Well I dont mean to pry, I just dont think that under the circumstances your living situation if appropriate. I mean John is very vulnerable right now."

"Yes he is, and I am trying to comfort him. What are you getting at? My relationship with John is purely friendship, a very strong one at that, and I dont think it is any of your business anyways, so excuse me." I say in the nicest way possible.

"He is my son," she says walking with me. I turn to face her. "I think that makes it my business. Leave him alone Ab-"

"Eleanor! Leave Abby alone, she has been very good to John through all this." Ah, Carters father. Thank god someone I like.

"Its ok, I think this conversation is over with anyways."

"No, Abby, I apologize for this. I...I have noticed how happy John has been lately, and that has so much to do with you. You and John have always had a strong relationship, and you are very good for him, don't listen to her." he says staring at Eleanor. She is about to say something when he continues. "This whole situation has proved that even more-"

"what do you mean?" I ask.

"I just mean that John is very unhappy right now, he has lost someone very important to him, and he is shutting himself out from his family, from everyone. We all tried to talk to him and he refuses. But you, you are the only one he opens up to, and lets comfort him. You guys have such a connection, he really values your support Abby. You are the only one that seems to be able to reach him when times get hard."

"We do have a deep connection. He is my best friend, and we share a daughter, its to be expected I would think." I say trying to brush off his words.

"Its more then that Abby, and I think you feel it too. I know how much John loves you, and both you and Kaylee are all he talks about...You seem to be the same way? Why are you two holding back?"

"John is in love with you Abby, I dont know what it is about you but he always has been, that is why I ask you to leave him alone. It is just going to hurt him more by playing these games." Eleanor says before exiting the room, I swear if I could punch her and not feel bad, I would.

"Wait a second. John and I are both fine with our relationship, we have talked about it over and over. We both agreed, we are going to be friends. He doesn't love me anymore. Not that way, he has moved on."

"I just, alright. He talked to me Abby. He told me he still wants to be with you." Mr. Carter says, shocking me beyond belief. What? Why didn't he tell me?

"What? I mean he never said anything, things have been good."

"Just talk to him."

I leave and find Carter, he locked himself in one of the hundreds of bathrooms. I didnt say anything about his parents. It wasn't appropriate at the time. I'll tell him later on. We go and sit down, him gripping my hand the entire time. Maybe Jack is right. I never picked up on it before but, we have been getting much closer lately. Oh man I just cant deal with this right now.

We return back to the house and I begin cooking dinner. I haven't talked to Andrew since yesterday when we got into our fight. I have been avoiding it all day, I just dont feel like fighting anymore. Besides I am so confused right now I dont know what to do.

Well hope you liked it. I have finals this week so I probably wont have and update for everyone for a couple of days.

Keep Reviewing!


	6. 5 months

It has been two weeks since gammas funeral and Carter still seems very closed off. He moved back into the mansion last week, I told him to stay here a while longer but I think the uncomfortable situation with Andrew and I told him otherwise. Andrew has been acting so incredibly jealous about Carter staying here that I am glad that it is over. We are finally getting along again, plus Carter and I haven't talked much at all since he "moved out." I told him about what his father said, and he told me his father misunderstood what he was saying. I was so stressed out about the whole situation so I decided to just drop it.

I walk into the doctors lounge and automatically spot John on the couch reading over charts. Andrew has invited me out tonight for our 6 month anniversary but I dont know if Carter is up to taking Kaylee.

"Hey, working hard I see?"

"Just taking a break from the chaos. Im off in 15, wanna grab a coffee?"

"Um, I cant actually I gotta head out. Listen I hired a babysitter for tonight...Andrew and I are going out...but I'm sure Kaylee would love to see you if you want to swing by and pick her up?"

"Yea, maybe."

"You havent been around much. How are you doing?"

"Ab, you ask me that everyday at work. Im fine."

"Okay, sorry. Im just worried."

"I know, Im doing ok."

I smile and leave the lounge. I dont know what is up with him lately, all he does is avoid me and brush me off. I hope things havent become awkward after I spoke to his dad. The only time I talk to him is at work and when he picks up Kaylee. We used to talk all the time and do things as a family, but now he drops quickly and leaves without a word. I have been trying to get help from him to plan Kaylees birthday coming up in a couple weeks, but no luck.

Andrew and I leave the house later that night and end up at a really nice italian restaurant downtown. I am instantly reminded of Carter and I, the night he was going to pop the question, but never did. Carter did end up picking Kaylee up and they went out to dinner. She was so excited to see him, she got all dressed up.

We have just finished our meal and ordered dessert, and I find myself dazing off. I still cant get Carter out of my mind. What Jack said really made me wonder. Could he still have feeling for me? I here Andrew clear his throat for my attention and I am pulled out of my thoughts.

"So what do you think?"

"huh? what, im sorry I was dazing."

"well, I was saying I think we have been getting pretty serious lately. and I really want this to work."

"Me too."

"Well, then I was thinking about maybe taking the next step." he looks at me eagerly and I am totally lost. He wants to move in? He practically lives there anyways, when he decides to stay in Chicago for more then three days.

"Abby?"

"Oh, um, I dont know what-" he slowly gets up off his seat and walks towards me, bending down on one knee. Oh my god. What the hell is he doing. We have been getting along so good, things were good dont mess them up.

"Look, babe I know these past couple of weeks have been hard, but I love you, and I want this to work. I know we can be great." I cant breathe right now. 5 months, 5 months I keep saying to myself. Im not ready for this.

"Marry me?"

Alright...kinda short but next chapter will be long. Thoughts? Thanks a bunch to everyone that replied I appreciate it!


	7. He did, you didn't

Carters POV

Its 11:00pm and Abby is just pulling in the driveway to pick up Kaylee, I guess that "dinner" ran a little late. I dont mind having my daughter here of course, but I dont like Abby going out with Andrew. After she asked me about my fathers comment I have been avoiding her as much as possible. I just don't think I can pretend to be friends with her anymore, its so hard. At the same time I cant help but want to be with her all the time.

She knocks twice before walking inside. I just bought a new apartment closer to the hospital, and Kaylee, so I wont be living here much longer in the mansion. I notice right off the bat that she seems serious.

"Hey, it's pretty late, I guess you guys had fun."

"Yea, I'm sorry about that. How was she?"

"Fine as usual, she can just stay here tonight if you want."

"No thats okay, um, can I talk to you for a second?"

"Sure.." We walk into the den and sit down. Yep, something is definitely going on.

"Ab? Are you okay?"

"Well, I... Tonight at dinner, I... Andrew surprised me with something, and im just a little unsure of how you are going to react."

"Okay... well, just tell me."

"Um, he... he asked me to marry him." She says with a gulp. Damn, I wasn't expecting that. They haven't even been together for more then 5 or 6 months, what is he thinking? I realize that I have been standing here staring for god only knows how long and she is definitely getting worried.

"Wow, um what did, I mean did you say yes?"

"Yes." BAM! and I just got smacked in the face. She holds up her hand slowly, showing me the ring, a conformation that she really did it.

"Well, congratulations."

"Cart-"

"No, really...If he makes you happy."

"I know you dont approve of him, and I really dont think you are going to like any guy I date, its kinda of a rule or something. But I really like Andrew, and hes good to me...I hope that you can at least be happy for me."

"Abby, I am, but im not going to lie to you. I don't like him, and your right maybe its not even cause' its him, but that doesnt change the fact that I think you deserve better."

"John, I appreciate it, but just give him a chance."

"Do you realize it has only been 6 months?" I say yelling a bit.

"I know, but it was what 8 when you decided to get on one knee?" She says getting defensive.

"Abby, that was completely different, we knew each other for years and-"

"No your right it is different, Andrew actually wants to marry me...you didn't!" She yells in my face and walks out. I haven't gotten into a fight with Abby in wow months, years.

I know that I should be happy for her, but I know that Andrew isnt good enough for her. I also know that if we just got over our stupid ways, we could be amazing together again, a family. I cant let her do this.

Next chapter: Andrew and Carter fight, Kaylees birthday, and a Carby moment.

THOUGHTS?


	8. Three years holding back

Abby's POV

Three weeks. Three weeks and I still haven't properly spoke to Carter. After our little fight we have been keeping a very 'Hi,Bye' level of conversation. I understand that he is angry about Andrew but I wish he could be happy for me.

Its Kaylee's Birthday today and I have tons of people coming over to the house. I am running around trying to get everything ready when Carter arrives, he wants to talk before everyone gets here. I brush it off telling him I have to much to do and we will have to talk later. He seems upset and I become upset when I see that he is making his way to Andrew. I walk over and stand in the doorway, neither knowing I am there.

"Hey, so I heard about the good new."

"Yea, I cant wait."

"Well, you don't think that its a little soon?"

"Maybe, but I love Abby, we can make it."

"Love isn't everything, I should know."

"What is that suppose to mean? Look, I know that you might not be too thrilled about Abby and I getting married, but there isnt anything you can say that will change my mind."

"I'm just saying, Abby and I were in love...things got in the way, I just think you guys should think this through a bit. What about Kaylee?"

"Dont worry about it Carter, we have thought about it and we both want this."

"Both? Are you sure, I mean you seem more serious then Abby does."

"Um, excuse me. Do you guys mind not talking about me as if I cant speak for myself. This is none of your business Carter. Leave it alone." I say and walk away. What the hell is thinking? This is not the day.

The kids arrive and everyone seems to be having fun. Kaylee of course has both Carter, and I by the hand dragging us everywhere. She really wants us to get back together, I mean three years old and she still understands the drama of our lives. Poor girl was so upset about Andrew and I getting married, which was a shock because I thought they got along great.

After a couple of hours the kids are sitting watching Kaylee's new movie and Andrew is outside by the bonfire with all of the parents. Carter pulls me aside wanting to talk finally and I dont have a reason not to, so I reluctantly oblige.

"So, what do you want to talk about?"

"Ab, I think you know what-"

"Look, I dont want to fight Carter, and Im sorry I yelled at you about all this but you were out of line."

"Alright, fair enough...and im sorry. I dont want to be a jerk, but i really dont think you should marry that guy."

"Why! You have no reason not to like him."

"He isnt good enough for you Abby-"

"Carter you never think anyone is good enough for me, except for you right?" I say spitefully. "the only person that is good enough is the person who didnt want me."

"Abby that isnt true, I tried to get back together with you when I came back from Africa. It was you who didnt want it."

"Of course I didnt...you hurt me. I wasnt going to let this stupid drama end up hurting Kaylee. I thought everything was going great and then all of the sudden you start lashing out about Andrew, I dont-"

"What you dont get it? Abby why the hell would I like that guy. He has everything I want!"

"What are you talking about?"

"YOU! and Kaylee! god, cant you see? I love you Abby and I want us to be together, a family. We belong together. Things have been so great lately, and I know you felt it too. You cant marry him." Wow. I have no idea what to say. I thought he said he didn't care about me that way anymore.

"Carter, I... I thought you said you didnt feel that way anymo-"

"You know I do Abby, I just didnt want things to get like...like they are now. I dont want to fight."

"I dont want to fight either, but you cant just walk in and tell me you love me as soon as I get engaged. This isn't fair."

"I know, and im sorry, but you cant honestly tell me you have with him what we had. We were amazing and we still can be. We belong together Abby. I love you."

"I.." and all of the sudden his lips are on mine. I know I should push him away, but I can't. It is amazing the rush I get as our kiss becomes more intense, his hands on my face, my hands in his hair. I forgot how whole I felt when I am with him.

I finally push him away, bringing my hand to my lips.

"What are you doing! John, Im getting married."

"Tell me you didnt feel that, and I will leave you alone."

"Cart-"

"I thought so. Abby why cant we just be together?"

"Its not that simple. We would never work, and Im ENGAGED!" I look at him for a second before walking away. Andrew cant find us like this.

I go outside, and walk over to Andrew. I cant believe this. Why on earth did I let Carter kiss me. As soon as things start going good for me I go and mess them up again. I love Carter, I'm not going to lie to myself. But I cant just drop everything and be with him again, we are too complicated. How am I going to explain this to Andrew?


	9. I'm Leaving

Little update for everyone... next chapter will be pretty long.

Abby's POV

Well, I think that was the worst conversation I have ever had. I just told Andrew about Carter and I kissing. He completely flew off the handle, like I expected. I dont necessarily blame him, i mean his fiancee just kissed her ex. Still, he wouldnt even let me explain he just started screaming. He actually scared me for a minute, when I finally told him everything he ended up so close to me I thought he was actually going to hit me. I have never seen that side of him before. All he would do after everything I said was scream that he didnt want me talking to Carter, that we were getting married and he wasnt having Carter ruining it.

I ended up telling him to leave, he was yelling so loud that he woke up Kaylee and I was not about to have her around that environment. I don't even know what I am going to do right now, at this point I don't want to talk to Carter or Andrew.

I'm sitting at the table, playing tea party with Kaylee, when the phone rings. I dont want to answer it afraid that It will be Andrew or John, but I do incase it's work. Sure enough it is, but not for the reason I thought.

I drive as fast as I can down to the hospital, praying that Carter is ok. Apparently, he was involved in an 'assault' and he is in pretty rough shape. I bet everyone knows who the other party is. Andrew.

"Hey you."

"Abby, hi. I told them not to call you." he looks like hell. He has a black eye, broken rib and a nice big gash on his forehead. Susan said that Andrew looks about the same. I haven't gone into see him yet.

"No, its fine... what happened?"

"I think you know what happened Abby."

"I'm really sorry about all of this John, but I had to tell him...I wasnt going to lie."

"I know, I just wasnt expecting a big brawl in front of everyone."

"HERE?"

"Yep."

"Oh my god, im so sorry Carter. He didnt exactly shout for joy when I told him but I didnt think he would come after you."

"It's not you fault, I mean I kissed you... I kind of had it coming."

"John, about the kiss I-"

"Abby please, if your going to give me more reasons why it wont work, I dont want to hear it. Tonight was bad enough as it is."

"I care about you Carter, I do, but I'm engaged... Im sorry."

"Do you love him?"

"Well, ya... of course I do, im marrying him aren't I."

"I didnt ask is you were marrying him, I asked if you loved him. Do you love him like you loved me?"

"John, dont."

"I dont believe that you dont want this Abby, not after everything we have been through, we still have that connection... I know you feel it."

"John, you know I still love you... but I.. I cant do this."

There is a long pause and I am about to walk out when he decides to speak, shocking me with his words.

"Im going back to Africa."

"What? For how long... you were just there."

"I dont know, I might stay for awhile. I... Kem called me the other day."

"Oh, is that why your going back then?"

"Partly. I need to go back, and she wants to try things again. There is nothing for me here I guess, right?"

"What are you talking about. You are just going to tell me you love me and want to get back together and then two weeks late take off to be with some other woman?"

"Abby, I told you how I feel. You flat out told me your staying with Andrew, im not going to sit around and watch. I love you and I do want to be with you, but I'm not going to get what I want am I?"

"Carter... what about Kaylee?"

"I know, I'll be gone longer then usual but I will write and I will come back to see her, Im staying there forever Abby."

"Are you really thinking of getting back together with Kem?"

"Should I not? I have no reason not to be happy with someone else Abby, just like you are doing right?" He is so spiteful tonight, that I almost feel like crying. I do love him and I do want to be with him, but its not that simple. I just never expected him to run off to Africa, to kem.

"I guess not then. Good luck." I say, I'm not playing these games. I am happy, and I am going to marry Andrew. Carter and I had our chance, and it didnt work. We have to move on.

"When are you leaving?"

"A couple of days."

"That early?"

"Sure, I have nothing to stay here for, except for Kaylee. She doesn't want to talk to me anyways because she thinks I dont love you, and I am 'letting' you marry Andrew."

"What?"

"Nevermind, look i'll come by and take her for a few days if you dont mind, and then I'm catching a flight thursday."

"Thats three days."

"I know."

I left the hospital in tears, not even stopping by Andrew's room. I didnt think it would hit me this hard thinking of Carter with Kem. I mean he hasnt dated since Kaylee was born, and now that he wants to get back together, I didnt expect him to pack up and move. I want to be with him but I also want to stick things out with Andrew, I mean Carter and I are just so complicated that It never seems to work. I dont know what to do.

Next Chapter... Carter and Abby say goodbye, Abby makes a decision.

Please review!


	10. ticket to love

Long update for everyone...enjoy. and please let me know what you think.

ABBY'S POV

I stand in front of the door as Carter says goodbye to Kaylee and I cant help but tear up. She is really giving him a hard time. After he leaves she cries for about an hour until she falls asleep in my lap. I am so used to Carter going to Africa, but this time is different, I dont know when I will see him again, and I don't want him to leave on this note. Things are so strained between us. I decide that I should really talk to John, I wont let him leave until things between us are better.

I get Susan to come over and watch Kaylee and I drive over to Carters apartment. As I walk up to the front door, the rain is pouring and i am soaking wet. I have the urge to turn around but I dont, I stay.

"Abby? What are you doing here?" he says when he finally answers.

"Can we talk? I really dont want you to leave on a bad note."

"I guess, come on you're getting soaked."

I follow him into his room as he finishes packing. He really doesn't want to talk and I can tell.

"What time is your flight?"

"9, I should be out of here by 7." 7, its already 5:30. Everything seems to be in fast forward these past couple of days.

"John, I'm really sorry about all of this. I wish things could go back to how they were, I mean you are my best friend I dont want to loose you."

"Abby, you are still my best friend, but I cant be around you right now. I cant sit by as you marry some other guy. So please dont ask me to."

"I'm not going to ask you to stay.. I just want you to know that I do love you, and I do want to be with you... its just not that simple. Things just cant seem to work between us, and it would crush Kaylee if we ended. Things are better this way."

"So you came all the way over here just to tell me what you have been saying this past month?"

"I just didnt want you to leave thinking that I didnt care about you, that this isnt as hard for me as it is for you-"

"If you wanted this like you say you do, then you would do something about it."

"Carter, I... I'm sorry."

"Why are you so scared?" He looks at me and then turns away. Why do things have to be so hard.

"Why am I scared? I'm scared that if we get together, I will lose you all over again. Things with Andrew have been so easy, and you know me I love easy." I look at him for a second and our eyes lock.

"You wont loose me." he says and pulls me into a deep kiss. We get lost in each other for awhile and somewhere along the way to his bed we begin losing our clothing. I dont know how this happened but I dont stop it, I want this no matter how wrong it is.

I roll over and read the clock. 6:44. I roll over and see Carter's big brown eyes looking at me. He caresses my face and kisses my forehead.

"I love you Abby."

I stare at him for a minute and I start to get nervous. How did I let this happen. I roll over and sit up looking for my shirt.

"What are you doing?"

"Looking for my clothes.. I should go, Susan is with Kaylee."

"Abby, stay for awhile. We should talk about this."

"Carter, this, this shouldn't of happened."

"What are you talking about. That was amazing and you know it."

"Im engaged, I shouldnt have let things get this far."

"So what your going back to him! Abby we just made love you cant just ignore that-"

"I know!"

"Well, then talk to me."

"I have to go." I get out of bed, put my pants on, and walk out of the room, down the stairs."

"So what are you going to pretend this never happened. Abby you just said you loved me, you said you wanted to be with me. We had SEX!"

"John-"

"No, are you going to stay with him?"

"I dont know! I.. I cant deal with this right now, I have to think-"

"Answer me."

"Carter, ple-"

"Fine Abby, you go back to him, go think about whatever you need to think about. I wont be here when you are done."

"What?"

"I'm leaving, my flight is in two hours. So I guess this is goodbye."

"John, please stay. I cant just make a decision right now. I need to think things through. I have to think about everyone involved."

"No you dont! Stop thinking about what the right thing to do is, or the best thing for everyone. Follow your heart! For once, listen to this." he says laying his hand on my heart. I look at him, tears streaming down my face. I do not respond, so he does.

"Goodbye." He says and turns around walking back up the stairs. I turn around and walk out the door.

I get home and Susan has Kaylee in bed. She asks me how things went, considering I look like hell and we sit down at the table with tea. I tell her everything that happened... everything.

"I cant believe you guys did it!"

"Susan, please... not so loud."

"Sorry, besides Kaylee's sleeping." She has the biggest grin on her face. Great.

"I feel so lost, I dont know what to do."

"Abby, I have been telling you from the start, you and Carter belong together. You always have and always will be soulmates. You know that, I know you do."

"But, it just isnt that simple."

"Ab, I love you... but you need to stop saying that before I hit you." She laughs. " Look, you love Carter, he loves you. Things are simple... you are the one making them complicated." I stare at her for a minute and it hits me. What am I doing, I love Carter and this is our chance to finally be together... and what I am going to let him leave and go back to some other girl.

"Susan, your right.. can you stay here... I'm gonna go stop him."

"Of course, you better run girl!" she yells as I run out the door.

I finally get to the airport and I run through the gates looking for John. Its 8:45 and I know they are going to start boarding soon. I reach one of the screens with the list of flights and I see that he is at gate G14. I run, buy a ticket to get through security, and push through the crowd of people.

I reach G14 and I see everyone boarding, and the attendant about to close the door.

"Carter!" He walks down the tunnel and I run after him.

"Um, excuse me ma'am you cant go back there."

"I just need to speak to that man right there." I say pointing to Carter.

"Well im sorry but without a ticket you cant go on that plane." I try to get past her but one of the security guards comes over and tells me to step back.

"Carter! Carter!" I yell but he doesnt hear me and boards the plane. As the attendant shuts the door I walk over to see the plane pulling away from the gate. I try his phone, but he must have turned it off already. A tear runs down my cheek as I turn around defeated and head home.

Well what do you think...


	11. Leave a message

Short update for everyone!

Abby's POV

It is 3:30 pm and I still have two hours of Susan's shift left. Cosmo got sick so I ad to cover for her. Perks of being a new attending I guess. I have to meet with Andrew's mother tomorrow to talk wedding plans, and I really not looking forward to it. If I have to spend all day tomorrow with the monster-in-law, all I want to do is go home and relax for the night.

I haven't talked to Carter since he left about 5 weeks ago. It seems so weird not having him around, not talking to him everyday. I never told him that I went after him, and I never told Andrew about what happened between us. There was no point now, I just had to accept that Carter and I weren't meant to be. Susan thinks I am crazy. Whats new.

John still calls Kaylee everyday and sends her letters and little gifts that he knows she loves. I dont think either of us expected him to be gone so long, he usually is only gone for two weeks. She really misses him, and she still cries for him at night but she has gotten a little better.

"Abby, trauma coming in."

"ETA?"

" 5 minutes."

"Ok, thanks." Everything has been pretty quite today, I am looking for something to distract me. I walk out into the ambulance bay with my coffee and wait. I have been so stressed lately, all I want is to smoke a long cigarette right now, but I know I cant go back to that, I quit as soon as I found out I was pregnant with Kaylee.

"Abby." Kerry nods at me and I smile back.

"Hey Kerry."

The ambulance pulls up and the doors fly open. My mouth drops as I see who is inside. Sarah, my babysitter is sitting next to a gurney, with Kaylee strapped to it.

"Kaylee! What happened!"

"Im so sorry Abby, I only turned for a second. She was running, and... and.. and"

"Calm down, tell me what happened." Sarah starts explaining as I wheel Kaylee inside with Kerry.

"We were playing hide and seek. I was chasing her when the phone rang. I told her to wait a second but she kept going and she slipped and fell down the stairs. I tried to call you."

"It's ok, its not your fault." I go to walk into the trauma room when Kerry stops me.

"Abby, you can't be in here, you know that"

"What, no Kerry that is my baby I cant just sit out here."

"You are a wreck, you arent going to be able to help. We will take care of her."

I am about to protest, but I know she is right. I am a wreck. I slide down into the chair outside and start crying. What is going to happen? I can't lose her.

I am sitting there for a couple minutes when I realize that I have to call Carter. The phone rings a few times and then the answering machine picks up.

"Hey John its me, I didnt really want to leave this in a message but I dont know if I will be able to reach you otherwise, um.. Kaylee she.. she was brought in today, to county. She fell down the stairs while Sarah was babysitting and she is in bad shape. Please come home Carter. We need you." and I hang up. It's ture, all I have wanted since Kaylee was brought in was Carter.

I dont even think to call andrew, I dont want sympathy I just need support and I know he is going to make me explain everything to him. I just am not up for that.

"Abby?"

"Kerry! how is she?"

"She is stable, we had to put her on a vent... she wasn't breathing on her own. She might have internal bleeding so we are waiting on CT and then I will call surgery."

"Oh my god, I cant believe this."

"Abby, she is in a coma right now. You should really think about calling John?"

"Yea, I did already. I dont know if he will get my message though."

"Kerry CT is back on Carter."

"Alright... sit tight ok."

"Can i see her?"

"Yea, of course, go on in."

I go and sit next to the gurney, kissing my baby on the cheek. She looks so helpless and she has a huge bruise on her head. I am so scared right now, I hope Carter comes home soon.

Please review!


	12. Praying for a miracle

Short update

ABBY'S POV

It has been about three days since Kaylee was brought into the ER. She ended up having internal bleeding in the brain, and even though corday brought her through surgery, she still hasnt woken up from her coma.

I have been sitting here next to her bed since the second she got out of surgery and I feel so helpless. I am her mother, not to mention a doctor, yet there is nothing I can do to make her better.

I havent heard from John yet, I hope that he comes home soon. I would think he would at least have called by now. Andrew has been here by my side all the way, he has been really great about things. Still it isn't the same, I want Carter here, Kaylee' s father... he is the closest thing I have to her right now.

"Abby?" Andrew says startling me.

"Andrew.. I thought you had to work today."

"I do, I just brought you some lunch."

"Im not hungry... thanks though."

"Abby, you should eat something.." after no reply he tries a different approach. "How is she doing?"

"no change yet."

"She will pull through this.. ill be back after work ok?" I nod.

"see ya." I say as he kisses my forehead. He has been really great with me lately considering I am in prime bitch mode. But I still just want to be alone.

I end up falling asleep in the most uncomfortable chair somehow, and I am woken up by luka.

"Abby.. Abby wake up."

"What..Luka, is something wrong!" I panic, but then I see Kaylee still lying there, sleeping.

"No, sorry everything is fine. How are you holding up?"

"Good as can be expected I guess." He takes the chart out of my hands that I have been reading over and over again.

"No progress yet?"

"Nope." I tear up a little and he puts his hand on my shoulder.

"I have something for you that might cheer you up." I give him a questioning look and then I hear a knock at the door. Luka moves to the right to reveal the figure standing behind him. Carter.

"John!" I yell and run to him, being swooped up into his embrace.

"Im sorry it took me so long to get here, I caught the first flight I could."

"I'm just glad you're here." He pulls me tighter and kisses my head.

"How is she?"

"Not good... she had to have surgery to stop the internal bleeding, and she hasn't woken from her coma." I say tears falling.

"Jesus, I should have been here." he says getting upset.

"John, don't, you couldn't have changed things... I am just glad you are here now. We need you here."

"Im not going anywhere." he says and grabs Kaylee's hand, holding my hand with the other.

"Im scared John, what if she doesnt wake up."

"She will pull through this, she is strong... just like her mother." I smile at him and he pulls me closer.

"We will get through this Ab, together."

"John, i.. I'm sorry about how things were left I-"

"How about we dont talk about that? All that matters right now is our daughter, right?"

"Yea, right." I can tell her is avoiding talking about us, but he is right all that matters is Kaylee.

I find myself falling asleep as I stand there with Carter. He pulls me with him over to the chair and pulls me in his lap, my head on his shoulder and his head on mine we fall asleep both praying for a miracle.

Thoughts? I know I brought Carter back really quickly but it just isnt realistic for him to be gone so long when he has a daughter back in the states. Please review! I will have more updates later.


	13. She's Awake

Carter's POV

It has been a full week and Kaylee has yet to open her eyes. I feel so helpless and Abby is a wreck. We have been sitting by her side every minute hoping, Andrew also. It is hard to be in a small room for long periods of time with a man you despise.

Now Friday afternoon, Abby and I are alone sitting on the small couch in Kaylee's room. She is reviewing charts to keep her busy, but as each day goes by she seems to be more distraught. Kaylee is her world, my world and I feel so irresponsible for not being here when she needed me. Everything between Abby and I is still very strained. We have yet to talk about how things were left and I don't want to get into when we are both so stressed.

"Hey you guys." Susan says walking in.

"Hi." we both reply, Abby barely looking up from her charts.

"Do you guys need anything, some lunch?"

"Thanks but I'm not hungry." Abby says, she hasn't eaten much of anything and I think she is starting to lose weight. I nod at Susan to bring her something anyways and she smiles and nods knowingly.

"So listen, Kerry wanted me to talk to you guys about tomorrow night. I know with Kaylee and all-"

"Wait what's tomorrow night?" I ask confused.

"The banquet. Susan I'm not going to go party while Kaylee is in a coma." Abby spits out .

"I figured that, but Kerry just wanted me to mention it to you. You guys have been in here day and night for days. She just thought it would give you a chance to relax. Carter, you're not exactly working here anymore, but you are still apart of the hospital, so you're always welcome."

"I dont think so." Abby is really not budging. We have been trying to get her to eat, or go for a walk or something but she refuses to leave.

"Ab, maybe you should think about it. Someone can sit with her, and we can just go and relax for an hour, we don't even have to stay." I argue, she looks unsure. I don't want to leave Kaylee either, but we do need to get out of this room. We are both to stressed and Abby is completely closing herself off to everyone.

"Carter is right Abby, you should really consider it. You need a break."

"I just don't think I should leave her."

"I know, and I don't want to either. But at the same time I really think you need to take a little break."

"Just think about it Abby. We can have someone sit with Kaylee, and we would notify you right away if she woke up... besides the banquet is barely 10 minutes away."

"I'll think about it."

We ended up convincing Abby to go to the banquet. Once it was time to actually go, it was me who didn't want to leave. She already had a dress that she bought for it, and I went to the mansion to grab an old tux. I told her I would just meet her there, considering Andrew was going to be bringing her, I didn't feel like tagging along. My mother was with Kaylee when we left and the nurses agreed to check on her one my mom left.

I walk into the banquet and I can see all of the staff from County. Everyone looks great and it's good to see everyone after being gone so long. When I returned for Kaylee I wasn't exactly about to make rounds and visit with everyone.

I see Abby walk in 20 minutes later with Andrew and I can tell she doesn't want to be here. She looks amazing though, she is wearing a long deep red silk dress with her hair up and curled, a few pieces hanging down. She puts on a smile for everyone but you can tell how unhappy she is.

I'm talking to Susan when I see Abby sitting over by the bar alone. Where the heck is Andrew?

"Hey, wheres Andrew?"I ask.

"Phone call..work." she says obviously all to used to it.

"Well, hey lets dance." she smiles and takes my hand as I drag her out to the dance floor. I pull her close and it feels so good to hold her again. We have gotten very close again over these past couple of days, just being there for each other. Still, our relationship is very undefined.

"I'm scared." she whispers to me.

"Me too." I whisper back and bury my face in her hair. I thought going away for Africa and getting away from this stupid situation we have gotten ourselves into would have helped me to get over things. Not at all. Standing here with her right now I love her more then ever and I wish that we could just be together.

"I've missed you." she says looking up at me, completely melting the wall I am trying so hard to put up.

I touch her face and she leans into me. I want so badly to kiss her but I know I cant, especially not here, and by the look i'm getting from Andrew right now... I shouldnt be dancing with her either.

"Can I cut in?" he asks staring me down. I smile at Abby and walk over to the bar. I never thought I could truly hate someone so much. Then again, how can I hate him for wanting Abby?

I'm standing there talking to Ray when I see Susan running over my way.

"Carter!" she yells and I run towards her.

"What..what's wrong?" I say stopping her before she collides into me.

"Kaylee! She's awake! Luka just called me from the hospital." My face lights up and I weave my way through the crowd to get to Abby.

"Abby!..Abby!" She looks my way and walks over.

"John... what's wrong?" she asks approaching me.

"She's awake." That's all I have to say before she grabs my hand and runs for the door, Andrew following.

Please review!


	14. Just a Huge Mess

Lots of Dialogue in this chapter... sorry if it gets confusing

Abby's POV

As soon as Carter told me Kaylee was awake I went into total mother mode, getting to the hospital as fast as I could. I finally reach her room and I can see her sitting with the nurse, sure enough eyes wide open.

"Kaylee!"I say running in and hugging her.

"Mommy! Look the nurse gave my ice cream." after everything the poor girl has been through those are her first words. I can't help but smile.

"Her throat was pretty sore from the intabation." the nurse says to me.

"Thank you... how are you feeling babe?" I ask touching her cheek.

"My head hurts kind-... Daddy!" She yells seeing John behind me. He gives her a big hug and kisses her forehead.

"It is about time you joined us princess, we were getting worried." she giggles and pulls him down to sit next to her, she really has missed him.

"Do you remember anything Kaylee?" Andrew asks.

"No!" she yells at him, startling all of us.

"Sweetie, you don't have to yell."I say and feel her forehead for a temp. She seems to be just fine but I am still going to worry for awhile. Andrew looks a little upset, but I think she is just excited to see her dad, she doesn't usually act like that to Andrew.

"Mommy when can I go home. Can Daddy come with us?" I look up at John for help but he seems to be doing the same.

"I don't know sweetie, soon." Just then the doctor comes in to check on Kaylee and I step outside with John and Andrew.

"I'm gonna get a coffee, you want something baby?" Andrew asks.

"No, thanks." he walks away leaving Carter and I, and suddenly I feel awkward. I haven't had anything to say to Carter since he arrived back in Chicago that didn't involve Kaylee, now that she is awake are we going to have to talk about us?

"Finally got our miracle, huh?" he says breaking the ice.

"Yea, it's such a relief knowing she is going to alright."

"I told you she was strong." I smile and he smiles back.

"So, I was thinking maybe Kaylee should stay with me at the mansion when she is released, she can have round the clock care."

"You don't even live there anymore." I say confused.

"Well, I can.. I mean you can stay there too. It would just be easier... she would always have someone there, I mean you need to work."

"I think she should probably just go home. I can take time off."

"Can you afford that?"

"I have been doing just fine on my own haven't I? Let me worry about it."

"Abby, she has been in a coma for more then a week, and she is going to need to be watched for a little while. You can't take off that much time with work."

"John, I just said it will be fine. I don't think you need to be worrying about my financial situation. Kaylee will be fine at home."

"I'm just trying to help, she is my daughter too. I only want the best."

"When it's convenient." As soon as I say it I want to slap myself. That wasn't very fair. But still, don't lecture me when you haven't even been around.

"What? I love her. you know that."

"Where the hell have you been then Carter? I know things with us weren't great... at all... but she has missed you like crazy and you have been off in Africa with Kem for weeks." I say, enforcing the Kem part to get across my point. Kaylee needs him here and he is off trying to fix things with Kem. If she wanted to get back with him so bad, why couldn't she come to the states?

"Abby you know I didn't just go for Kem."

"Whatever I don't want to fight about this."

"Well we have to talk about this sometime. We have been dancing around it since I got home. I went away to get over you, I wasn't just leaving my daughter. It has been so hard Abby. I love you, so much, and I thought leaving would help; and yet I get home and what happens. I see you and I love you more then I did before I left." he is raising his voice now and I can tell how much I offended him.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said all of that." I say calmly, hoping he calms down himself.

"Abby, I'm doing the best I can here. I flew out as soon as I heard, Kaylee is my world."

"I know, I know. I didn't mean that. I'm just so stressed out."

"I-" he is about to say something when Andrew comes around the corner and he stops.

"Am I interrupting?" he looks between the both of us when he notices the sudden silence.

"No, I'm going to go back inside." Carter says and walks back in.

"Is everything ok?" Andrew asks.

"Yea, we're just a little tense, it's been a crazy week." I say with the best smile I can dig up. I feel guilty every time I talk to Andrew about Carter, considering he doesn't know everything that has gone on. I want to tell him, but I almost feel like the more he doesn't know the better.

"Come on let's go inside." I say and we walk back inside. Carter looks up for a second and then continues his talk with the doctor. I really pissed him off out there. We have been avoiding discussing our relationship until Kaylee was better, now that that seems to have happened, we are going to have to talk.

Right now I am just so strung out. I am still in love with Carter, and I love Andrew.. he is a good man. I don't deserve him after all of this, sleeping with Carter, and almost leaving him if I had caught John at the airport. I really should talk to him about all of this, how can I marry him with all of these lies? and John, he still doesn't know I went after him that day. If I tell him I know he is going to want to get back together, at the same time I still don't know what happened between him and Kem. This is just a huge mess.

Please Review! Some great scenes to come!


	15. Confessions and Revelations

This Chapter is pretty intense just to let everyone know... let me know what you think.

Abby's POV

It has been three weeks since Kaylee was released from the hospital and she is doing really well. I am still very cautious with her, like she is going to break. Freaking out when she runs in the house, putting gates up on the stairs, things like that, but slowly life is getting back to normal.

Andrew is coming home today from another business trip and we are suppose to be going over wedding plans. We had set a date for July 15th, and with everything with Kaylee, we haven't really gotten the chance to discuss everything. I have thought over and over about what I should say about John and I. I am still unsure if I should even tell him, but I know I have to, no matter how hard it may be.

John is still in Chicago, he has been here at the house to see Kaylee a lot but we haven't talked about our conversation at the hospital, we barely even talk period. It is so weird how we can go from being so close, to being strangers. I want so badly to ask him about what happened with Kem, but at the same time I keep letting my pride get in the way. I have told him that I am going to marry Andrew, that I couldn't be with him, so why do I have the right to ask him about Kem?

Since Eleanor has taken Kaylee for the day, I decide that I should sit Andrew down while we are alone and finally tell him everything, we can't go on planning this wedding until he knows the truth. I hear the door open and he calls out for me. I think I am going to puke.

"Hey, there you are. I missed you." he says and hugs me before giving me a quick kiss.

"I missed you too. How was your flight?"

"It was alright, You know I don't really like the red eye, but I wanted to get home asap." he smiles at me and I feel more guilty then ever. He wants to get home so quickly to his cheating fiancee. God I am dirt.

"Listen Andrew there is something we really need to talk about. I know you just got in, but I have to do this before I lose my nerve."

"Ab, I know you want to talk about that wedding but can I at least settle in a little." he laughs.

"No, it's not that... well it is, sort of. It has to do with it."

"hun, your mumbling... is everything ok?"

"Not really, can you just come sit down please." he walks over looking worried and sits down on the coffee table, facing me.

"Andrew, something happened a couple of months ago and before I say anything I just want you to know how sorry I am, and that I do love you no matter what you are going to think-"

"Hey, babe just tell me. It's ok."

"I...I.." I can't seem to form the words. "John and I-"

"Something happened between you and Carter?" he asks calmly yet I can tell he has a million bad things running through his head. I nod my head and try to continue but I can't seem to say anything. He is looking at me waiting for me to say something.

"Abby... what happened?"

"We.. we slept together." I say and close my eyes wincing. I can't believe I just told him. I can't bare to look at his face, afraid of what I might find.

We are both silent for what seems like an eternity when he finally stands up and starts walking to the door.

"Andrew! Please stay and talk to me-"

"You SLEPT with him! I knew it! I knew something was going on between you two, I cant belie- uh- you slut!" he yells walking to me and getting right in my face, stuttering with anger.

"I'm sorry, It just happened, really that's all I can say. Please just stay and talk to me." I say tears running down my face, I feel horrible.

"Do you love him?"

"I don't know. I don't know anything right now, I'm just so confused. I love you, I want to marry you, but at the same time when I'm with Car-"

"You love me? Is this how you prove it! We were great together Abby, and you go and sleep around with some other guy!"

"You make me sound like some slut! Look, it's not like I planned this I'm sorry Andrew..." he stands there staring at me with a death glare before turning the other way with his hand over his eyes. "Do you want to call off the wedding?"

"I don't even want to look at you right now Abby let alone talk about this damn wedding." he says yelling.

"Well we need to talk about it, if you want time to think I completely understand, but you need to talk to me! This is big Andrew, you can't just walk away."

"What the hell do you want from me Abby! You're going to sit there and lecture me about communication when you have been lying to my face for months. You are nothing but a slut."

"Andr-" I say but he grabs my arm and pushes me back against the wall.

"No, you listen to me! We are going to get married, and you are going to stop talking to Carter!" he says screaming at me. I am really scared right now, I have never EVER seen Andrew act so violently and I don't know what to do.

"You're hurting me, let go!" I say trying to break from his grip.

"I mean it Abby, I want you to stop talking to him. Do I make myself clear!" he yells like he is my father scolding me. What the hell happened to MY Andrew?

"I am not going to stop talking to Carter, he is Kaylee's father I can just not talk to him Andrew, we have a daughter!" I say still struggling. "Let go of me, please!" I cry pushing him off me finally and walking away from him as fast as I can.

Before I even get into the next room he grabs me again. I whirl around and try to push him away but he smacks me and I fall to the floor. I look up at him as I push myself back against the wall and all I can think about is Brian.

I suddenly see a change in his expression and he looks like he is about to break down. He steps towards me and I try to back up even more.

"Abby, oh my god I'm so sorry." he says trying to touch my face.

"Don't touch me!" I say yelling back at him seeing that he has calmed down.

"Baby, I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me. I would never hurt you, I just lost me temper, that wasn't me."

"Andrew get out." I say as calmly as possible.

"Abby ple-"

"GET OUT!" I yell at the top of my lungs as I cover my bruise slowly forming.

He walks backwards slowly and then grabs his suitcase and leaves. He turns to look at me, apology written all over his face but I don't even respond. I can't believe he just hit me, he has never acted violent around me before, this was such a shock. I can see why he was mad, but I never thought he would react that way. What am I going to do now?

PLEASE REVIEW! I know this chapter was kind of crazy and violent, but let me know what you think. The story is really heating up!


	16. I'll kill him

Pretty long update for everyone! There is some swearing in this one, a lil violence... just to warn you

Abby's POV

As the door shuts, I sit there head in my hands, crying. I cannot believe how bad things just got with Andrew, he really scared me, he was a completely different person. All I could think of was when Brian attacked me a couple of years ago, thank god it wasn't that bad. I don't really know what to do with myself right now, that wasn't the man I fell for, and I am trying to remember all the good things. But at the same time I am despising him and regretting ever letting him near me or my daughter.

I go into the living room and attempt to start picking up toys that Kaylee has strung out all over the house but I can't seem to do anything but cry. How did things turn in to such a mess? I decide to lay down on the couch, after locking the doors and locking out the man I am engaged to marry, and I end up falling asleep.

A wake up to a pounding on the door. I walk over and open the door to see Carter standing there with Kaylee. I almost forgot that Eleanor was dropping her off to John, christ it must be almost 2pm. Did I sleep that long?

"I was ready to pound the door down." Carter laughs as they step inside. I can see he is lugging all of kaylee's new toys that she doesnt need, eleanor always spoils her.

"Sorry, I fell asleep. How was your day with Grandma baby?" I ask Kaylee.

"It was fun... um what happened to your cheek mommy?" she says poking my cheek. Oh shit, how could I forget to cover that up.

"What happened" Carter asks trying to get a good view, obviously he hadn't noticed yet.

"Nothing." I say trying to walk into the other room and out of his sight but he grabs my arm and I wince in pain almost doubling over.

"Jesus, Abby are you ok?" I look up and his face sinks as he sees the welt on my face and the bruise on my arm. "What happened?"

I don't respond I just give him a look as if saying not now, Kaylee is glaring at us waiting for me to explain and I don't want her to hear it. I would just lie and say I fell or something, but John isn't stupid, and we see to much of these cases at the hospital.

"Kaylee why don't you go color in your new coloring book... go color something for mommy to make her feel better." John says encouragingly, knowing she wants to know what happened, and she goes into the other room.

"Carter I really-"

"Come here let me see it." he says gently pulling me into the light. He pokes and prys at my face, and I can see in the hall mirror that it has turned into quite the bruise.

He looks at me for a second and then goes into the other room where I can hear him saying goodbye to Kaylee. I know what he is doing, he is leaving to go find Andrew. He comes back into the hall and grabs his keys as I try to stop him.

"John...John, what are you going to do. I know how this seems, but he didn't mean it."

"What! He hit you Abby, I am going to go find him and kill him thats what I am going to do!" he says yelling.

"John please don't do this, you are going to make things worse.. and, and he was angry that wasn't him-"

"are you serious... what you are going to try and stick up for him. He hit you, that is all there is to it." He looks at me for a second and then makes his way to the door once again.

"I told him about us!" I yell trying to get him to stay. He pauses and then turns around letting go of the door handle.

"You told him, that is why he did this?"

"Yea."

"Jesus, Ab I'm so sorry this is all my fault." Ok, I wanted him to stay... but I wasn't meaning to make him feel responsible.

"No, John this isn't your fault, how can you even say that. Look I did it, I mean it takes two and I was the one who cheated. He just got really angry and I was arguing with him, he just lost his temper." I say raising my voice more with each word as Carter turns back around to the door.

"It doesn't matter. I am going to let him know not to come near you again." He says looking at me before walking out.

"Please, just let me handle this Carter... I don't need you making this worse!" I yell, but he is already gone.

"Mommy? Why were you and daddy yelling?" Kaylee says as I walk into the other room.

"Don't worry about it sweetie, we were just talking... did you finish your picture?" I ask and she nods smiling. I sit down next to her and we both color for awhile. She asks me again what happened to my face but I make something up.

As we sit and color I am completely distracted. What is going to happen if Carter finds Andrew? I know how John can be, I hope he doesn't do something stupid. I almost feel like I should call Andrew and let him know John is looking for him, then I touch my eye and say yea right.

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I have walked all over looking for the bastard but I can't seem to find him anywhere. I finally decide to check at the hospital, my last resort as I know he isn't working today.

I walk inside and ride the elevator up to the third floor, oncology. That son of a bitch better be here. How dare he ever lay a hand on Abby. Scum is all I am thinking right now.

"Excuse me who is Dr. Andrew Harris in today?" I ask the lady at the desk.

"Um, yes actually he just walked in a few minutes ago. I'll go get him for you."

"No, no that's okay, I know my way." I say

"and you are?" she asks apprehensively.

"I just need to discuss a patient with him." I tell her pulling out my I.D. from County. She nods and I walk back into his office. I open the door and he looks up surprised to see me and stands abruptly.

"Carter, listen man-" he says trying to explain. I take it he knows why I am here. Not so dumb after all.

He doesn't finish his sentence before I grab him by his shirt collar and slam him onto the desk getting a good punch in.

"No, you listen MAN. Don't you ever.. EVER! come near Abby again or I will kill you. Do you understand me!"

"Abby is my fiancee, I will talk, touch, and look at her whenever I please. Something you obviously are jealous of." he spits back and I drill him another punch as he fights to get out of my grip.

"I don't know why you're coming after me, I should have gone after you! You think you can just sleep with my fiancee whenever you please you son of a bitch. You guys are over Carter, you need to face that.!" he yells as we struggle back and forth. I finally pin him against his desk again and he yells out for security, but I throw him another punch and he falls back to the floor holding his face.

"I should have you thrown in jail." I say as he looks up at me slowly, the light hurting his bloody eye. We stand there staring at each other, and I refuse to back down, I know what we did was wrong but that is no excuse for his actions.

"I mean it, you leave her alone. If you come anywhere near her or even try to talk to her I WILL kill you." I drill into him before turning and exiting the hospital.

So, what do you think?


	17. Blood and tears

Thanks for reviewing everyone, I love reading them! Here's another update for you.

Abby's POV

It has been about a week since everything happened with Andrew and Carter. I haven't heard from Andrew, and I am not sure if I expect to. We really should talk about what happened, even though I don't ever plan on going back to him, he needs to know what he did was wrong.

Today was my first day back at work, I could have returned earlier but I didn't want anyone asking about my bruises. When I returned home from my lovely 12 hour shift I was so ready to curl up and take a nap, Kaylee had other plans. We end up going to dinner with Carter and when I pull into the driveway coming home I freeze when I see Andrew sitting on the front porch.

"What are you doing here." I say gripping Kaylee's hand as I walk up the steps.

"I came to talk, Abby please... we need to talk about this." he says walking towards me but I step back and pull Kaylee with me. She looks confused, not knowing what happened.

"Come on baby, let's go inside." I tell her attempting to walk by Andrew, that is when I notice the alcohol on his breath. Damn.

"Abby wait-" he says grabbing my arm.

"Let go of me." I say pulling away and walking Kaylee inside. I try to shut the door but he shoves his arm in between. I tell Kaylee to go upstairs into her room and she does a little frightened.

"Andrew please just leave!" I yell pushing the door shut as hard as I can, but it is no use he is pushing back with to much force and I fall back to the floor.

I scramble to get up quickly and I run and grab the phone trying to dial Carter's number.

"Hey, what are you doing!" he says grabbing the phone out of my hands and throwing it across the room.

"Andrew, please don't do this. You're drunk."

"I am not Drunk! I... I just want to talk to you, you can't avoid me forever Abby we are getting married after all."

"We are not getting married, do you think I want to marry you after all of this?" I yell not thinking. He grabs ahold of me and starts yelling about me sleeping with Carter, and how I deserved it. I try to get away but his grip is strong, I manage to punch him in the nose while we are struggling and I limp over to the stairs where I see Kaylee peeking out her door.

"Kaylee lock your door! Go inside your room!" I yell as Andrew grabs me again and throws me into the wall. She starts crying and shuts her door.

"Why do you have to make things so difficult!" he yells slurring a bit.

"Andrew... don't do this, Kaylee is in the hou-" he grabs my hand and pulls me up, not very well I might add as he is stumbling as well, and pins me to the wall.

"I just wanted to talk, but you wouldn't listen...you, you are mine. You are-"

"Andrew you're hurting me, stop it!" I yell as he squeezes me arms tighter.

"Stop screaming and listen to me damn it!" he says and punches me. I fall into the bureau in the hallway knocking everything over. "Come here!" he yells walking towards me as I attempt to scoot towards my cell phone.

He grabs me and twists me around to face him and I grab the vase I knocked over and smack him in the head. He falls back against the bureau, mimicking my previous fall almost, and blacks out. I sit there staring at him for a second as I stand up and run to grab Kaylee. I put her into the car and she is crying, obviously she heard all of that. I can't believe she had to go through this. I drop her off at Susan's and make my way to Carter's. I was going to bring her with me, but I don't think she should be around all of this plus Andrew knows where Carter lives, if he shows up there I don't want my daughter there.

I pull up to Carter's apartment and knock on the door. He opens it rubbing his eyes, he obviously went to bed as he is pajama clad.

"Abby! oh my god." he pulls me inside and walks me over to the couch. I don't even know how I managed to get over here I am in such bad shape.

"I tried to get him to leave, I didn't let him in he was drunk-"

"Shh, hey it's ok." he pulls me close to him and I sit there in his embrace. Staining his white undershirt with blood and tears.

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	18. safe in my arms

Abby's POV

I wince as Carter pats my face with gauze. I am swollen and bleeding, not to mention in severe pain. How did I ever end up in this kind of relationship? I thought I was smarter then that.

"Ab, you need to go to the hospital." he says looking at me with pain in his eyes.

"No, I can't. I don't want them to know."

"They aren't going to judge you Abby."

"Oh, really? You don't think they are going to be wondering how I manage to get myself beat up so much?" I say bitterly. I know they won't be thinking that but I just don't feel like explaining the situation anymore.

"Hey, look at me." he says and touches the side of my cheek. He looks like someone just ran over his dog.

"I'm, ok." I whisper trying to cheer him up.

"Did you call the police?"I shake my head and explain to him that I just wanted out of there. He calls, of course and I don't argue.

"Should we get Kaylee?"I ask worried. I don't think Andrew would hurt her, but I have no idea what he would do anymore.

"No, I think she is better off at Susan's. She probably shouldn't see you right now." he says softly. I know he is right, she would be way to scared. I get up and begin to pace, thinking of everything that has happened this year. I began to cry and I slide down the wall, falling to the floor. Carter comes over and sits down next to me pulling me into him.

"Sh, It's ok. You're safe now."

"Everything just seems so surreal. He was never like that." I say through the tears.

"I know, but you don't have to worry. You are safe with me, I won't let him hurt you anymore. I told him I would kill him if he came near you again, he should have listened." he says kissing my forehead. John is the only person that I have ever felt safe with, and I grab him tightly as if I am going to lose that.

"John, let the police handle this." I say sternly, I don't need John in jail.

"I'm not going to touch him, that isn't going to help obviously but I will have his ass thrown in jail. That I can promise." he says angry.

We sit there in silence for a while as he plays with my hair and I begin to fall asleep.

"You really need to go to the hospital Abby. Especially if we are going to press charges. You need to be taken care of, I think you have a broken rib and I think you fractured the cheekbone." I look up at him and I don't feel like arguing. He lifts me up slowly and we drive to the hospital.

John managed to get my into a room without to many people seeing us. I am sitting waiting for my x-rays to get back and for John to return from calling Susan. He walks into the room, telling me that Kaylee is fine and sleeping. He sits next to me on the bed and grabs my hand.

Luka walks in, explaining the x-rays. I have three broken ribs, a mild concussion, broken cheekbone and a lot of recovering to do. Fantastic. I can't be alone at the house, for many reasons, so Kaylee and I are going to stay with John.

We pick up Kaylee and make our way back to John's. He stops and picks things up for us at the house, talking to the police man that is there. Andrew was brought to Mercy and he is fine, but they are putting him into custody for assualt. I'm sure he will make bail, but until the trial, there isn't much we can do. Carter is going to get a restraining order tomorrow.

I climb into bed and sit there touching my face. I look like a monster. Kaylee was pretty reluctant to be near me at first, but she knows it's still me. John walks into the room and sits next to me on the side of the bed.

"How are you holding up?" he says and pulls my hand from my face. I shrug my shoulders and he smiles.

"I'll be downstairs if you need me ok?"

"Will you just stay with me? I don't want to be alone." he kisses my forehead and climbs in next to me pulling me close without squeezing to hard.

I look over at the door and see Kaylee standing there. Carter pulls away, not wanting her to get the wrong idea, but she comes in and climbs up next to me not seeming to think anything. She probably likes seeing Carter and I together. We all fall asleep there, more or a family then we have been in awhile.

Please review!


	19. Makemba

ABBY'S POV

Driving home from Andrew's trial I feel a sense of relief. The judge gave him 5 years for assault and slapped him with a restraining order for when he is released. I don't expect that I will see him again, and I am relieved that I found out what he was really like before marriage.

"You alright?" Carter asks looking over at me.

I nod my head and smile, everything seems to be getting back to normal. Carter and I are getting along great and Kaylee and I are still living with him. Now that the trial is over I suppose we should discuss moving back home. I don't think Kaylee is going to be to thrilled about that.

We pull up to the apartment and I see Eleanor waiting to pick up Kaylee. She has been really kind to me lately with everything, and it seems like she may actually respect me if not like me. She wanted to take Kaylee and give us the chance to relax after all of this, so they are going to the zoo.

John and I walk back inside and sit down at the table. No sooner then that does the phone ring, however I am surprised when Carter ignores it.

"Who is it?" I ask as he stares at the caller ID and then hangs it back up.

"Tele-marketer." he replies obviously lying, he knows I can read him a little too well, I don't know why he bothers. It suddenly occurs to me that he did the same thing yesterday when we were watching a movie. I wonder who keeps calling?

"I guess I am heading back to work tomorrow, Kerry called me earlier."

"Yea, well I picked up some shifts so... at least you won't be alone." he says sarcastically. He obviously doesn't love the thought of working again, I however can't wait to get back to normalcy.

"Have you talked to her about coming back?" I ask slowly. We haven't talked about wether he was staying in Chicago or returning to Africa with the craziness of the past couple of months. I still don't know if he and Kem decided on anything. He changes the subject every time I bring it up.

"Uh, I don't know what I am going to do yet, I might go back.."

"Oh, I didn't think you were considering-"

"Well, I.. I don't know yet. I haven't decided on anything."

"Are you and kem? I mean you haven't mentioned her, and it's been awhile since you came home-"

"Like I said I don't know."

"Why don't you want to talk about this?" I say raising my voice a little. I don't understand, he is usually the one who is all about talking, now he just keeps avoiding it.

"I just don't feel like getting into it. Besides my relationship with Kem is none of your business the last time I checked." he says bitterly.

"Well, excuse me." I say getting up.

"Ab- look I just, I don't think you are the person I should be talking to about this with our history and everything."

"Our history? Look, John I just... you know why I want to know about you and Kem, don't pretend like you don't. What happened with us?"

"Nothing, that was the whole point." I stare at him for a second and I can feel the tears building in my eyes. We haven't talked about us at all, and I can tell how hurt Carter is about everything.

We sit in silence for a couple minutes and I turn to walk away but I decide against it. I turn back around and I see him look up at me slowly.

"I went after you." He looks at me with a questioning look, what I said sinking in. He doesnt respond so I continue.

"That day that you left, when we got into that fight and I left. I talked to Susan and she made me realize I was being stupid. So, I went after you, to stop you. I saw you boarding and I called after you but you didn't hear me."

He stares at me for a few seconds and I can't read his expression.

"How come you never told me?"

"I didn't see the point. You left to be with Kem, and I just took it as a sign that it wasn't meant to be. Then you came back and all the feelings came rushing back with you... I didn't want to marry Andrew, I mean I cared for him... but nothing will ever compare to us." Tears are running down my face and I can't seem to stop them. Carter as teary-eyed also and at the same time he isn't saying anything.

"I haven't stopped loving you John. I haven't, and I don't know what happened in Africa and I don't care. I want to be together again. I do, and I'm sorry that I didn't realize it sooner." I stare at him for a second and I feel ridiculous as he just stands there staring back. I turn to walk away when he grabs my hand and pulls me back, kissing me hard on the lips.

We stand there kissing for a moment and then he breaks it, breathing hard and looking away. He looks so confused, I don't know what he is thinking for once in all the time I have known him.

"Abby, I love you, you know I do... all I wanted was for us to be together, but you made it clear you didn't want that. Why should I believe you know? Just because Andrew isn't here? I don't want to be second choice." he says painfully.

"John, I just told you... you weren't second choice, he was. I went after you, I was going to leave him for you but I was to late. You left."

"The person that has been calling is Kem... I assume she wants me to come back, we were in the middle of working things out when I had to leave..." he says not looking at me. " I.. I haven't talked with her much since I have been here because I have been so confused with things. Abby I love you, and everytime I am with you I can't get enough, but I don't want to be with someone who is unsure."

"I'm not unsure Carter... I don't want to be with someone who is in love with someone else either." I say looking straight at him. He darts his head up quickly like I just accused him of murder or something.

"You know it isn't the same."

"Then, why are we even talking about this?"

"Aren't you the one who kept preaching about things being complicated!" he yells throwing my previous words in my face.

"I should go-"

"Abby, no I'm sorry. I just need to think about this."

"Well, I don't think I can just sit here and watch t.v. with you in the meantime so I should head back home... I need to go back anyways." he looks at me for a second and then nods.

I walk into the bedroom and grab my bag and Kaylee's bag. I make my way to the door, John following and I turn to face him.

"Um, I guess I will pick Kaylee up later?"

"Yea... Ab, look-"

"No, just leave it Carter." I say gently. He's right, talking about this today isn't going to work.

I smile and turn opening the door. My face drops when I see a young woman standing at the door, none other then Makemba. I turn to see John wearing the same expression as I.

REVIEWS!


	20. Time

Thanks for all the reviews everyone, heres a short update.

John's POV

I have to say, I never expected to see Kem standing here at my door. She has been calling me for days and I haven't answered or returned her calls, there is just to much going on here, I can't deal with so much at once.

I look at her standing there and then at Abby. She looks just as surprised as I do not to mention uncomfortable. Kem doesn't know anything about Abby and I besides the fact that we were together and then we broke up, Kaylee coming along in the process. She has no idea about these past couple of months. Neither does Abby know anything about what happened in Africa, we just never talked about it, until today. How ironic.

"Well, are you going to say anything?" she asks giggling. She steps forward and hugs me and I hug her back staring at Abby's face.

"What are you doing here?"

"Well, I have been calling and calling but you haven't answered and of my calls. I was beginning to worry."

"Things have been pretty hectic here." I say and close the door.

"Well, I called you earlier to let you know I was in town but, again, you never picked up... how are you Abby?" she asks acknowledging that Abby was indeed standing right next to her.

"Just wonderful... I'll talk to you later." she says looking at me.

"Abby, wait-"

"No it's fine John... nice to see you." she says smiling at Kem while giving me one of her famous looks to let me know she is pissed. How's it feel I think to myself even though I know this is a different situation. She was already with Andrew, I went to Kem.

She walks outside slamming the door slightly and Kem looks at me questioningly.

"I'm sorry, did I interrupt something?" she asks apologetically.

"Um, no not really. Come on let's sit down."

We walk into the living room and sit at the couch. She looks great I have to admit, but things just seem so awkward, we haven't talked in quite awhile and things between us were left very open. When I was in Africa Kem and I talked about getting back together but I ended up having to leave to come home to Kaylee before anything was worked out.

"John, are you ok? I haven't seen you in weeks, months, and you aren't even paying attention?" she asks trying to get my attention, guess I was dazing.

"I'm sorry, it's good to see you I just have a lot on my mind."

"Well, talk to me about it. That is why I came here, we really need to talk about us.. we keep leaving things unsettled."

"I know, there are some things I need to tell you first." I explain everything that has gone on since christmas, Abby and I, Abby and Andrew, Kaylee's accident. She listens to everything but doesn't say a word. I can imagine she is hurt about Abby and I being together.

"I didn't know that you were still in love with her." she says finally speaking.

"I don't know what I am anymore. These past couple of months have been so hard, so stressful.. I just need some time to sort things out. That's why I haven't called." she looks up at me tears brimming her eyes. I reach out my hand and wipe them away kissing her forehead, but she pulls away.

"John I can't do this again, all I have gotten from you is time... Now, I am leaving for Africa again Saturday, that gives you a couple of days. Figure out what you want, I can't wait around anymore." She stands up to leave and I grab her arm.

"Kem, I'm really sorry about all of this. I should have been upfront from the beginning but I just wanted to forget about it, I never planned on all of this happening when I came back."

"I understand, but I can't just wait around. Call me when you know." and with that she leaves. I feel so bad, she traveled all this way and then I lay all of this on her. I love her I do, but I just can't seem to forget what I have with Abby.

Please Review!


	21. Can't Live Without

Yes, I didn't want to make Kem mean because even though I don't like her, she never was rude on the show. Besides I wanted this to be hard for Carter. Let me know what you think!

Carter's POV

It has been two days since Kem arrived in Chicago and two days since I have spoken to Abby. I am so confused and at the same time I feel stupid for even letting Abby leave in the first place. All I have wanted for so long is to be with her, and then when she wants to be with me... I need time? Still, at the same time I feel like I owe it to myself to think this through and not jump into things. Maybe Abby was right the first time, we never seem to work. Kem is stable, and I do love her... we could work. Uh, I just don't know.

Walking into the hospital I automatically spot Abby at the board, standing proud with her white lab coat. She looks amazing... why can't I get over her? I make my way into the lounge and put my stuff in the locker when Abby walks in.

"Oh, sorry I didn't know you were in here." she says turning back around.

"Abby wait... it's ok. You know, we do work together.. we are going to have to talk sometime."

"I'm aware of that... you asked for space, I'm giving that to you." she says and turns walking out. Ouch. Point taken.

It is hard having problems like this and not being able to talk to anyone. I always go to Abby, and now she is my problem. Luka walks in after Abby exits and I decide the hell with it, I need to talk to someone.

"Hey, pretty slow today huh?"

"Yea, that's fine with me... I have been here since 6 this morning."

"Ouch... how has Abby been today?"

"Yea, I was gonna ask you if something happened with you guys, she is kind of.. grouchy."

"I told her awhile back that I was still in love with her." I blurt out and he is a little taken back.

"What? Really... well I'm glad one of you finally got the guts."

"She didn't exactly say it back." I say and he looks at me apologetic. "It was pretty hard, but she was with Andrew and all that... but she came over the other day and she told me she felt the same way."

"So what's the problem... you guys are perfect for each other."

"I don't know, I just... I don't know if I believe she really feels that way. Everything has been so complicated with us these past couple of months and when I went back to Africa... you know in February.. Kem and I decided to try our relationship again."

"Wait, so are you guys back together?"

"No, yea... I don't know. She showed up the other day wanting to know the same thing. Same day Abby decides she wants to be with me. I just don't know what to do. I really care about both of them" I say sitting down putting my head in my hands. After a long pause he responds.

"I still don't see the problem."

"How do you not see it?" I ask staring at him.

"Well for as long as I have know Abby, you two have had such a connection, and you just seem perfect for each other, which should mean alot coming from the ex-boyfriend." he says jokingly. " If you want to be with her and she wants to be with you, I don't see why you are making this so complicated. You obviously have feelings for Kem, you have shared a lot together... but I'm sorry man I don't think it comes close."

"The thing is I don't know if Abby really wants to be with me. I mean she is always changing her mind.. and Kem, you know she knows what she wants-"

"So she's safe."

"What?"

"She's safe... you know you won't get hurt. Well, that doesn't mean you are going to be happy Carter... I know Abby is difficult. But I also know that she loves you. She really does, don't doubt it." I stare at him thinking over what he said.

"What about Kem, she loves me. and I do love her, she is a great person."

" This is your chance to get what you want, your chance to be happy. Don't give it up... and if you think that you can be happy with Kem and never regret your decision, then go back to Africa with her. Ask yourself.. who can't you live without?" he asks and walks out the door after patting me on the back.

I sit there staring at nothing thinking about Luka's advice. Abby and I have been through so much together, she is truely my best friend.. not to mention we are forever connected through our daughter. Then again, maybe we had our chance. Maybe being with Abby would be the wrong choice. I mean Kem is a wonderful woman, and she and I have a great bond...

Who can't I live without?

Please Review.


	22. Home

Carter's POV

As I walk down to the river I find myself feeling excited. I am finally going to be happy, and everything seems to be falling into place for once. At the same time I can't seem to get her look off mind.

_Flashback:_

_"John, please. Are you sure this is what you want?"_

_"I do. I love you, I do. But this is how it has to be...I can't live without her."_

_"Well, I guess... this is goodbye." she pulls me into a hug and I squeeze her knowing I won't be seeing her for awhile._

I see her standing over the railing, her dark hair blowing in the wind. She turns seeing my approach and I can tell she is nervous.

"Thanks for meeting me." She looks at me and nods.

"John, before you say anything-"

"No, please just let me do this... I love you so much, and I was nervous that if I took the step, if we were finally together, that I would just end up losing you again, I couldn't bear that again."

"You won't." she says touching my face. I grab her hand and kiss it.

"I'm willing to take the risk. I have been stupid for making you wait, and I don't want to wait anymore. I love you, and I can't live without you. That's all there is to it, enough wasting time." She smiles at me tears in her eyes, and kisses me, the most amazing kiss yet.

"I love you so much. I know we can make it this time."

"Me too." I say and lean down for another kiss.

We walk back to her house hand in hand to our daughter, to our future.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

1 year later

I stand here looking at you with amazement. How is it possible to love someone so much. Your dark curls frame your face and you cheeks are red from sleep. I hold you in my arms and you wake and smile at me. I love that smile.

"John, she needs to go to bed... and so do you." I hear Abby laugh.

"I know, I just can't seem to put her down." she smiles at me as I lay Emily in her crib. 3 months old and just as beautiful as her mother.

Abby comes and stands next to me and I wrap my arm around her. She leans into my chest and I kiss her forehead.

"I love you Abby."

"I love you too." she mumbles, falling asleep.

I carry her into our bedroom and lay her down. I kiss her forehead and walk out of the room down the hall. This has become my routine. As soon as Abby falls asleep I walk down the hall peeking in on Kaylee's room, then Emily's, just to know my family is safe and sleeping. I look around at my house, at my gorgeous girls and I finally feel happy, I am finally home.

END

So what did you guys think? There wasn't much more to do with the story, so this is the end. Thanks for all the reviews, I appreciated it, I'll have more stories to come.


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